Our Pitch

Most marketers suck. They spend a few hours on Facebook and Google classes from dudes preaching how wonderful the “hustle” is and then do marginally better than you would have done yourself, and then they charge you through the nose for it. You pay them money. They give you reports that say you made 10x or whatever, but your revenue doesn’t go up. Deep down you know they suck, but everyone else is doing the same thing, so you think this is the way. Finally you get frustrated and bring up the fact that they suck, and they get defensive and start peddling that snake oil about how you need to give the SEO time to improve and then the magic will really happen. You’ll seem okay for a little while, but deep down you know the magic isn’t coming. So they suck, you’re unhappy, but you’re not sure if you can quit them because you know you need to do something, but you don’t know what something you need to do.

Do us.

No wait. That came out wrong.

Let’s start over.

• The founders are all entrepreneurs that run our own brands. We’ve grown brands from zero to VC events and beyond. We’ve suffered many missteps and reveled in many successes. We know how critical your cash flow is and we will not waste it. If we don’t find an immediate pathway to your success, you will not have to tell us. We will be the ones telling you that we aren’t getting it done.
• We won’t work with you if it’s not a fit. The only relationships we will accept are win/wins. To be a fit for us, you have to have read this far and not be horrified, you have to have a brand that delivers genuine value to the consumer because in the immortal words of TLC, we don’t want no scrubs, and you have to be comfortable with outlandish video and advertising campaigns that will get your brand noticed and cause you to make a lot of money, passionate fans, and whiny keyboard enemies.
• We are not a marketing factory. We only want a handful of clients, because we’re creating a unique campaign for every client. So, if you’re working with us, you’re getting real attention from real people who actually know what they are doing on a daily basis. No matter what anyone tells you, it’s impossible to manufacture people with real experience that can make a difference for your brand overnight. We’re not in a rush to scale. We’ll only take you on if we have the capacity to do a phenomenal job for you.
• If you’re working with us, we won’t work with your direct competitors. That would be like us fighting ourselves while cheating on you, and also, it’s just uncool.
• If you don’t like us, you can leave. We don’t trap people in long contracts. We want to retain you with our performance, not our lawyers. So we’re like that hot girlfriend or boyfriend that still listens to you and wants to make you happy, not the wife or husband that wants you to die because they’re tired of all your crap, but also won’t divorce you because unraveling the finances of the relationship would be too damn painful. So you tell yourself you’re doing it for the kids, but life gets darker and darker until you’re wondering if it’s even worth living anymore, and then you get drunk one night and end up with us anyway, but you feel dirty and hate yourself.
  
  I guess what we’re saying is, why not start dirty and feel good, and also make money.

• We don’t suck at marketing.